Confidence

How do you gain more confidence.

This is something I get asked all the time, this isn’t a quick fix nor is it something you can follow 10 instruction steps and have it made for you, this isn’t a flatpack. This is something that takes time, patience and hard work, now that I think about it building flatpack from ikea requires the same input!  I honestly believe if you have true confidence, it shines from the right light, real confidence can’t be denied.  Reproduced confidence is like watching me wear 11inch heels, it is all kinds of wrong and shouldn’t be done! 

First we must go within, lets look at when we first started to lost our confidence, because lets face it when we were 3yrs old, we totally rocked the gumboots and floral dress.

For me it was in year 5, I was 10 years old at my first school dance, I wore my mums tights and her beautiful yellow blouse, I felt fabulous until I turned up. The looks I got said it all, my peers didn’t need to say anything, their body language said it all! I desperately wanted to fit in so I started to adapt to what the popular girls would wear, how they wore their school uniform because yes there is different ways you can wear a private school girls uniform! High socks, bonds underwear, the branded black shoes and a high pony with the bow! I did exactly this, I did this for years ranging from following trends to hanging with people that didn’t even have the same interests as me, I did all this and little did I know I was becoming more and more not my true self. What was the point, I lost all confidence in who I was, what I liked, and who I wanted to be. 

See, where im going with this is confidence comes in many different forms. Mine was wanting to be liked so I lost my confidence in me being myself which is being honest, sensitive, and conservative, now conservative isn’t a thing when your trying to fit in and be cool at school.

Being popular didn’t bring back my confidence, the girls I hung out with saw straight through me and before I knew it I was on the bottom of the pack, I now was being bullied. I wondered if I had of been confident enough to be myself I would of had a different experience at school. I should have owned wearing my mums tights and beautiful yellow blouse, ignored their body language and been me, confident, bright, and smiley but instead I let them steal a piece of my beauty and this is where it all went wrong! We shouldn’t let the sheep in life dictate how the different should live and look. We are all different in our own beautiful way and this should be praised. 

I share this story with you, so you can see one way how confidence can be stolen from you. Mine was all from trying to fit in,  it wasn’t about what my body looked like or my face, it was all externally trying to blend in with the popular kids and not be recognised for being different. I understand where I lost my confidence and as an adult I went back to heal my younger self and started my journey of self discovery and gaining more confidence in who I was. The more I did this, the more I owned being my true self and the more people would gravitate to me, I was now being liked and wanted for being different. It was looked at as being inspirational and empowering, a women who was strong and somewhat of a role model.  

So lets take the first step and find out where your confidence was lost and go back, heal and build in that area, as your well aware now there’s many different areas to confidence, if you can pin point the event where this started it can give you an insight to where we need to work, is it body confidence, self confidence (within), or confidence in others?

Mon xo